


Hey Brother (You Don't Remember Me)

by charliechick117



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 14:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1691771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliechick117/pseuds/charliechick117
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili (now Kifur) grew up in Ered Luin with no memory of his life before.  He was raised by Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur.  Despite having a home and a family, he always knew he was missing something -- that there was his family somewhere, waiting for him.</p><p>Meanwhile, Fili decided to finish his father's quest and find his long lost brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to guldfiskn for being my beta!
> 
> And artist theseevildays :D http://theseevildays.tumblr.com/post/87597455609

It had been the talk of Erebor, the birth of Lady Dis's child.  The mountain was overjoyed with the news of it.  Fili had been a blessing enough, but to have two children?  That was worthy of the highest praise.  The dwarves of Erebor could hardly contain themselves and the celebrations went on for what seemed like weeks.  Dis was less than amused at the proceedings.

"This is out of hand!" she complained to her brothers one evening.  "Has anyone asked my opinion on the matter?  Of course not.  No one seems to care that this is more than what I want."

"Please, Dis," Frerin, ever the level headed one, said.  "The kingdom is merely pleased for you, for us!  Let them celebrate."

"I think they’ve celebrated enough to last us the next decade!" she sat down on a sofa, running a hand over her swollen stomach gently.

"Please, sister," Thorin knelt beside her.  "Think of your baby.  Your stress is doing it no favors."

"Him," she said.  "This is a baby boy.  I can feel it."

"Very well, him," Thorin smiled up at his sister.

"Another Prince of Erebor," she sighed, leaning backwards.

* * *

 

Fili was rocking in his seat.  Back and forth and back and forth.  Maybe if he leaned far enough forward he would fall over.  Da wouldn't like that very much.

"Nervous?"

Fili looked up and saw Uncle Frerin standing beside him.  Everyone said that Fili was a "spitting image" of him, but Fili didn't understand that.  No one was spitting on anything!  He shrugged and kicked his feet in the empty air.  Frerin sat next to him, letting out a long breath and shaking his leg.

"Are you nervous?" Fili asked.

"Yes," Frerin said.  "I am very nervous."

Now Fili felt very nervous too.  If Uncle Frerin, golden warrior Frerin, was nervous, then maybe Fili should be nervous too.  Maybe something bad was going to happen and he wasn't going to get the little brother Ma promised him.

No!  That wasn't going to happen.  Fili jumped off the bench.  He walked down the big hallway, determination in his little steps.  He knew where to find Ma.  She would be in the medical wing.  In the baby room.

"Fili?" Frerin called worriedly.  "Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna save my brother!" he said.

"Come back here and wait, Fili," Frerin said but Fili kept walking.  "Fili!  Come back!"

Oh no.  That was the Angry Adult Voice.  Fili knew what happened when he heard that.  Bad things.  Ma used that voice when he took extra dessert.  Da used it when he played with his swords.  Fili didn’t want to get punished.  He just wanted to save his brother.  He only had one option.

Run.

"FILI!"

Frerin was right behind him!  Fili bowed his head and ran faster.  He weaved between legs and ducked under tables.  He was going to save his little brother and nothing was going to stop him.  Especially not Uncle Frerin!  He was certain he was almost there when he barreled into a set of legs and fell flat on his backside.  He looked up and saw Da.

"Son," Da said slowly.  "Where are you off to?"

"I gotta save my brother!" he said.  "Uncle Frerin is nervous and that means bad things so I'm gonna save my little brother!"

Da laughed and knelt down, lifting Fili up so they were eye to eye.  Almost.  Fili wished he looked more like his Da.  Da was the handsomest dwarf around, Ma said so!  Da never got teased for his yellow hair.

"Your brother is fine," Da said.  "So is your Ma.  Do you want to see them?"

Fili nodded so fast he thought his neck might snap.  Da smiled brightly and scooped Fili up into his arms and swung him around.  Fili giggled and Da set him gently on the ground, took his hand, and led him into the baby room.

Ma was on the bed, breathing softly and looking down at a little bundle in her arms.  Mister Oin was to the side, pouring something in a glass and drinking it.  Da led him right to Ma's bedside, lifting him up so he could see the tiny bundle in Ma's arms.

"Say hello to Kili," Ma said, turning the bundle slightly so Fili could see.  Nestled in the blanket was a little face with dark hair.

"Kili!" Fili exclaimed.

The little face wrinkled and Kili opened his mouth and screamed.  Fili instantly froze, looking at Ma and Da worriedly.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked as Kili continued to scream.

"Just try and be quieter," Ma said gently.  "It's okay."

Fili nodded and reached out slowly.  He didn't want to mess up again.  He was a big brother now and he needed to be a good one.  He pressed a finger against Kili's cheek.  It was so soft.  He slowly ran his fingers down the soft cheek.  The crying stopped.  Fili brightened up.

"See?" Da said.  "You're a good big brother."

"Hello, Kili," Fili whispered.  "Hello, brother."

* * *

There was a huge feast in Kili's honor.  He was a bumbling toddler now and Fili did his best to take care of him.  That was his job, to take care of his little brother.  Kili fidgeted in his clothes, tugging at the collar and lace.

"Stop that," Fili scolded, slapping Kili's hands.

"It itches, Fee!" Kili complained, looking at Fili.  "I don't like it."

"You just have to wear it for a little bit," Fili promised.  "Then we can play!"

Kili brightened up at the idea and held out his hand for Fili.  Fili took it and, together, the Princes of Erebor walked into the great hall.  Ma and Da looked glorious and so did their uncles.  Kili's fingers tightened on Fili's hands.  They walked up to the throne where great-grandfather Thror was waiting.

"I present to Erebor, Fili and Kili, sons of Dis, daughter of Thrain, son of Thror!" Guard Fundin shouted.

The crowd erupted and then the dancing began.  Kili gave a sigh and leaned against Fili.  Thorin hopped down from his perch and knelt beside his nephews, pulling them in for a tight hug.

"Not so hard, Uncle!" Fili laughed.

"You're squishing me!" Kili said, his voice muffled.

Thorin laughed and pulled back, smiling brightly at them.  "I have a present for you both."

"Present!" Kili squealed.  "I wanna present!"

"Close your eyes," Thorin instructed.

Fili and Kili obediently closed their eyes and held their hands out expectantly.  Something cool and metallic touched their hands.  Fili snapped his eyes open.  It was a box.

"Box?" Kili looked up at Thorin.

"Open it."

Inside were matching mithril necklaces.  They were round with a shining gemstone set into it.  Fili's was orange and Kili's was deep blue.  On the back was their initial and the royal seal of Erebor.  They squealed in unison and put them on, Thorin helping Kili.

"Never forget who you are," Thorin said.  "You are princes of Erebor.  You are royalty.  Never forget that!"

The party went on late into the night.  Ma made Fili and Kili go to bed, which was fine by Fili.  He was tired anyway and Kili couldn't stand up anymore.  They stumbled to their room, yawns splitting their faces, and collapsed into bed.

Fili woke up to screaming.  He rolled over and saw an empty space next to him.  Kili!  He was up in an instant, searching the room.  He was Kili's big brother and he was supposed to take care of him!  There was a shadow in the room that ran to the window.  Fili ran forward, screaming his brother's name.  The shadow jumped from the window and Fili ran right up to it.

"KILI!" Fili shouted.  "KILI!"

There was no sign.  The shadow was gone and so was Fili's baby brother.

"NO!  KILI!"

Tears and snot were all over his face.  There was a pounding in his head and he couldn't breathe.  This wasn't supposed to happen!  Kili was his responsibility and his little brother and Fili was supposed to take care of him.  He couldn't see.  His vision was blurry.

"KILI!" Fili's voice broke and his chest was convulsing.

Arms were around him and a familiar voice in his ear.  Fili reached for the window, sobbing.

"Kili..."

He was gone.


	2. Kifur

It was a bright, cold day.  The dwarves of Ered Luin shivered and muttered about spring being just around the corner.  Despite the near freezing temperatures, there was a dwarf venturing through the overland.  His hair was dark and he had a bow slung lightly over his shoulder.  He crept through the forest, hiding behind snowy trees, stalking a lone deer.  There wouldn't be a lot of meat on the poor stag, but his family was hungry.

The dwarf pulled out an arrow and lifted his bow over his head.  He slid the arrow into the notch and breathed.  He stood up quickly, letting loose the arrow.  The string whipped against his arm and the arrow hit true.  The stag fell over, blood staining the snow.  He ran to the deer, knife in hand, and slit the throat cleanly.  He hefted the deer over his shoulder and started the long trek home.

His home was large, but there were so many people that it felt smaller than it looked.  Between Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur's massive family, there wasn't a lot of room for a dwarf to be alone.  He didn't mind that much, it was cozy to be sure.  The door swung open and a plump dwarf woman pulled him in.

"This is the last time you go hunting alone!" she shouted at him.  "We have been sick with worry!"

"Mirra, calm down," he said.

"Calm down?!" she roared, puffing up like an angry wildcat.  "Gone all day in this weather?  We thought you were lost in a blizzard.  Bifur almost ran out to follow you to the overland."

He tossed the deer onto the table and raised an eyebrow.  Mirra glanced up at the dwarf, her eyes growing moist.

"Kifur," she said softly, touching his cheek.

"You need to take care of your kids, Mirra," Kifur said, bowing his head.

"Thank you," Mirra said.

Kifur nodded and escaped to the top of the house and pushed his way into his room.  He took his bow and quiver and set them gently on his desk before collapsing onto his bed.  His skin was itching in this mountain.  He loved Ered Luin, he really did.  The Blue Mountains were beautiful, they were his home, but he felt like something was missing, as if there was more in life than just this.

Without thinking, his fingers wove into the mithril chain around his neck.  It was an awful habit, he knew, but he couldn't help it.  It was therapeutic to him, relaxing in ways that Kifur couldn't explain, as though the necklace was connected to his soul and soothed it.  He couldn't really explain it, though he tried.  There was a knock on the door.  Kifur lifted his head and Bofur poked his head in.

"Hey, kid," Bofur grinned.  "Mind if I come in?"

Kifur shrugged.  Bofur was the one who found him in the mines.  Bofur was the one who brought him home and gave him a family.  Kifur owed him everything.  He couldn’t bear to think what would happen to him if he wasn’t found.

Bofur sat on the edge of Kifur's bed, wringing his hat between his hands.  He looked nervous.  In all the long years Kifur had been with them, he'd never seen Bofur this nervous.  With the exception of Mirra's most recent child, that is.

"Look, it's been, what, almost 80 years since we took you in, right?"

"73 years tomorrow," Kifur nodded.

"We consider you family, Kifur," Bofur continued.  "You know you can talk to us about anything on your mind.  Don't you?"

"Yeah, I know," Kifur rolled onto his side.

They were his family, he knew that, but they weren't his first family.  Bofur patted him on the shoulder gently and quietly left the room, reminding him of dinner in a few hours.  Kifur grunted an agreement.

Perhaps that was what bothered him the most.  Kifur had a family before the Blue Mountains.  He must have!  The mithril necklace was worth a fortune, so many tried to buy it off him, but Kifur knew better.  It was the only connection he had to a home he couldn't remember.  The shining pendant with a magnificent 'K' engraved on one side and a shimmering blue sapphire on the other.  Bofur had told him that he had never seen a more perfect gem in his life.

Someone must have loved him very much to give him this necklace.  Someone must have also been rich to commission it.  But if Kifur had a rich and loving family, then why would they have abandoned him in Ered Luin?

Kifur stood and walked to his desk.  He pulled out a worn sheet of parchment from underneath his weapons and smoothed it out.  It was a map of Middle Earth, a present from Bifur on his 50th birthday.  He pressed his finger onto the Blue Mountains, tracing a winding path to the east.  It cut through the Shire, went past Bree, crossed the Misty Mountains, ventured deep into the Greenwood, and came out at Erebor.

Often his mind had reflected on the Lonely Mountain.  Kifur couldn't explain it in words the longing he felt to see that mountain, to see Erebor.  It was as though something was pulling him there, something in his heart, in his soul.  He loved it in Ered Luin.  He loved being here with this family, but it wasn't his.  It was home, but it wasn't.  Despite being raised by them, Kifur felt like he didn't belong.  He never quite fit in with the other children and he always felt that there was something missing in his life.  A presence that was supposed to be next to him that wasn't.

The door slammed open and Bombur's four youngest came rushing into the room, clinging to Kifur's legs.  They were all redheaded and squealing with freckles on their cheeks and a few missing teeth.  They pulled and prodded and pushed him down the stairs into the kitchen.

Bombur had cooked the deer wonderfully and the sweet aroma of food filled the air -- a scent that they hadn't had in far too long.  With four adults, fourteen children, and Kifur, the table was crowded and loud as they tucked into dinner.  It felt good to see the children eat.  The winter had been hard on them especially.  Bombur and Mirra had started talking about what they could sell, just to buy a few bags of flour.  That's when Kifur grabbed his bow and ran out.

"You're awfully quiet," Mirra said gently.

"Sorry," Kifur bowed his head.

"You're not eating, neither," Bofur said.  "Something's on your mind, kid."

"It's not important," Kifur brushed it off, moving the food on his plate with his fork.

Bifur reached over and touched Kifur's forearm.  Even the children were quiet.

"It's about Erebor," Kifur finally said, dropping his fork and leaning back.  No point in hiding it.  He wanted to wait until tomorrow, after his birthday celebrations, but now was as good a time he supposed.

"Erebor?" Bofur repeated.

"I was going to wait until tomorrow," Kifur said.  "I want to go there."

"You know we can't, sweetie," Mirra said gently.  "It's too far for us to travel."

"Not us," Kifur shook his head.  "Me."

The table was silent.  Kifur felt like a little dwarfling again and he wanted to bury his face in his hands from the embarrassment.  They were all staring at him with slack-jawed mouths.  He braced himself for the disparaging comments.  That how it always was for Kifur.  He was too young for this.  He was too inexperienced for that.  He needed to stay home and mind the children.  Never mind that he would be 77 tomorrow.  Never mind that he was well beyond his time to take on an apprenticeship.

"You will have to be careful," Bifur said.  "It is no easy journey to the Lonely Mountain."

"You can't be serious!" Mirra exclaimed, giving Bifur a withering look.  "Our little Kifur, walking to Erebor on his own?  I won't allow it."

"Sugarplum," Bombur said, resting his hand on hers.

"Don't you 'sugarplum' me!" Mirra pulled her hand free.  "Kifur, it is winter and you have no experience in traveling.  Perhaps in a few years Bifur can go with you."

"But Mirra --"

"No buts, child," Mirra scolded, turning back to her dinner.

"You don't understand," Kifur said, his blood growing warm.  "I need to go there!"

"Eat your food, Kifur," Mirra said.

"No!" Kifur was standing up now and he could almost feel the angry tears in his eyes.  "You don't understand, none of you do!  I need to go to Erebor.  There's... there's something there.  I can't explain it.  I just feel something pulling me there.  It's like... it's like Bofur's stone sense.  Or like how Bifur always knows exactly where to carve the toys.  Or how Bombur can make anything into a feast.  Or how you always know the quality of good craftsmanship.  It's just something in me and I need to find it!"

"This is your home!" Mirra slammed her hands on the table and stood up.  "We are your family!  You don't need to go to Erebor to find something because we have everything you need here!"

"Mirra," Bofur warned her.  "Perhaps this is a discussion that should wait?"

"There is no discussion!" Mirra turned on Bofur.  "Kifur is too young to go to Erebor on his own.  Who knows what will happen to him?"

Kifur knew that was going to come up.  He was not too young for an adventure.  He had his bow, he had his sword.  He knew how to kill and cook wild game.  Kifur was more than experienced for this.

"I am going to Erebor," he said firmly.  "I don't care if I have your blessing or not."

He pushed himself away from the table and stormed up to his room.  The kids were going to hate him for leaving so quickly and without a proper good bye, but Kifur couldn't be bothered.  He pulled a heavy bag out from under his bed and started throwing stuff into it.

It was easy for Mirra to dismiss any of Kifur's ideas of this longing he felt.  She had a craft and a home and a family.  She had a place to belong.  A place that seemed to be cut out just for her.  Kifur had no such place.  When all the children were choosing their craft, Kifur couldn't find one for him.  He couldn't smith, he couldn't mine, he couldn't write.  It seemed the only thing he was good at was fighting, but even then, he wasn't really the best.

That wasn't the worst of it.  The worst was hearing the others talk about that feeling of fitting and of belonging.  Hearing them constantly talk about how natural and normal it felt to be in this craft.  A deep soul feeling of knowing where Mahal had placed you in this world and filling your destiny.

Kifur threw in blankets and his bedroll before tucking his map in gently.  He set the pack by the door and looked over his room, hoping he didn't miss anything.  He had bedding, his weapons, some kindling and a fire wheel.  He would have to gather some food before he left in the morning.  Maybe buy a pony as well.

With a great sigh, Kifur sat on his bed.  This was a lot harder than he thought.  He felt awful for having shouted at Mirra over dinner, but he couldn't stand to live out his life in Ered Luin with this longing in his soul.  It was like being a square trying to cut corners to fit into a round hole.

The door opened and Bifur came in.  He sat beside Kifur wordlessly.  He'd always liked that about Bifur.  He never talked more than he needed to.

"Stay on the path," Bifur said.  "There should be travel huts along the path you can stay in.  Be careful who you trust and remember that there is no shame in staying at an inn for a few days."

"Why are you telling me this?" Kifur asked.

"I know what it is like to have the longing you feel," Bifur said.  "To yearn for something to make you whole.  To feel out of place even in your own home."

Bifur set a book on Kifur's lap, along with a bag of coins.

"This book might help you," he said.  "As will the money."

"But this is yours!" Kifur protested, pushing the money back.  "I couldn't possibly --"

"I have been saving this for you," Bifur said, taking Kifur's hand and placing the bag into it.  "Ever since Bofur brought you home, I've been putting away a little money here and there for you.  I knew that this day would come.  For all that we've done for you, little Kifur, there is a family out there waiting for you and you will never feel whole until you find them."

Kifur was speechless.  "I... I don't..."

"It's alright," Bifur smiled and put an arm around Kifur's shoulder, knocking their foreheads together as Kifur cried.

* * *

The mountain was still sleeping when Kifur left.  He placed an envelope on the mantle for Bombur to find in the morning.  He hefted his pack on his shoulders, now heavy with food and coin, and left.  He would miss them dearly.  He would miss Bofur's laugh and the stories he had from the mines.  He would miss the way Bifur's eyes sparkled as he worked on a particularly fine toy.  He would miss Bombur's cooking and the gentle advice he gave.  He would miss Mirra, the only mother figure he'd ever known.  He would miss them, but not enough to stop him from going to Erebor.

Kifur bought a pony, just as Bifur suggested, and led her out of the mountain.  The sun was just peeking over the horizon, filling the sky with pale oranges and chiffon pink.  The snow glimmered before him on the tops of trees and he took a deep breath of the cold, fresh air.  It stung his lungs but felt so good and crisp and clean.  Berry, his pony, snorted at the cold and pawed the ground.  He swung onto her back and they trotted down the path to Erebor.


	3. Fili

Fili blocked Dwalin's axes with his sword, pushing them to the side and spinning away from range.  Sweat pooled at his neck and was dripping down his face.  His arms ached and his legs felt like jelly.  Dwalin came at him again and Fili dove into a somersault to avoid his attack.  He kicked out and hit Dwalin in the back of the knees.  Dwalin fell and Fili rushed behind him, both of his swords at Dwalin's neck.

"Well done," Thorin stepped forward, clapping slowly.

Fili dropped his swords and bent over, gasping for breath.  Dwalin stood up easily and patted Fili on the back, the force knocking him onto the ground.

"Drinks on me," he grinned.  "Go on and wash up."

Fili nodded.  He scooped up his swords, tucked them safely in their sheaths, and jogged out of the training grounds.  It had been 73 long years since Kili was kidnapped and Fili still felt the loss of his brother like an ache in his side.  It was constant and it hurt.

They had moved since the kidnapping.  Thorin didn't think they were safe anymore and had them on the other side of the palace chambers.  Fili didn't like it as much, it was on the west side of the mountain and he couldn't see the sunrise.  As soon as he was in his room, he dropped everything and stripped out of his armor.

In his under things, Fili dragged himself to the bathroom.  He turned on the hot water, threw his clothes off, and sank into the bath.  A deep sigh left his lips and he closed his eyes.  The water was soothing on his aching muscles.

"Fili!"

That would be his mother, Fili groaned.  He forced himself from the bath and wrapped himself in a towel.  She was using her angry voice.  Someone had upset her.  Fili mentally ran through his last week.  He hadn't done anything worthy of Dis’s wrath.  In fact, he'd been nothing but good the past month!  He stepped from the bathroom and ran straight into her.

"Hello, Mother," Fili said.

She looked so tired.  Dis always looked tired these days.  Her fair face was lined and her eyes were sad.  Still, she carried a regal air about her.  Head up, sad eyes cold, back straight.

"I just had an interesting chat with Balin," she said, grabbing him by the elbow and steering him to his bedroom.  Her fingers were like cold steel and Fili didn't dare try to break free.  "He told me that you've been visiting with him about travelling to Ered Luin."

"Yeah?" Fili said as she closed the door.  "What of it?"

"You know what," Dis snapped.  She pointed to the bed and Fili sat obediently.  "When your father went on a quest to find Kili, he went all over Middle Earth, looking for clues to find him."

Yes, yes, Fili wanted to say.  He knew all this.  His father was gone for years at a time, searching halfhearted leads and following dead end trails.  Fili remembered because he wanted to go.  He wanted to be strong enough to search for his brother.  That was his job.  Take care of Kili.

"But your father never went to the Blue Mountains," Dis continued, sitting behind Fili and running her hands through his damp hair.  "He was so sure that Kili would be there, but he never got a chance to find out."

"What does this have to do with me?" Fili asked.

"I don't want you searching for him," she said softly.

"Mother!" Fili turned around.  She looked at him sadly, shoulders slumped and head bowed.  "Mother!  How can you say that?  Don't you want to find him?"

"Of course I do!" she snapped.  "Don't ever assume I don't want Kili back home.  But I am not going to lose you in trying to find him.  I won't lose you like I lost your father."

"But he'll be there!" Fili said, taking her hands in his.  "I know it.  I can feel it."  He put her hands on his chest.  "I feel it right there.  I've always felt it, ever since he was taken."

"How do you know it's him calling to you?"

"I don't," Fili said honestly.  "But my soul does."

Dis cupped his cheek in her hand.  "My brave son.  You and Kili were always close.  Perhaps you are right."

"I'll be careful, I promise," Fili said.

"I know you will," Dis said.  "Now get dressed and I'll do your braids.  Dwalin told me about your victory on the training grounds today."

Fili felt heat rush to his face.  Praise from Dwalin was a rare thing.  Praise from his mother, even more.  Fili couldn't help but puff with pride.  He beat Dwalin in training today.  Dis was praising him.  He was going to find his little brother.

* * *

The morning dawned brightly and Fili winced.  He knew he shouldn't have had so much to drink, but Dwalin kept buying him ale and Thorin was praising him and Frerin looked so happy that Fili couldn't help but take another ale, then another, then another.

"I thought you were going on a quest today," Dis’s voice sounded spectacularly smug as she turned on the lamps.

"Maybe tomorrow," Fili muttered, burying his face into his pillow.  "Need more time anyway."

"That's right you do," Dis said, ripping the blankets off.  "I've gathered a few dwarves to go with you to Ered Luin."

The words hit Fili like a bucket of cold water.  He sat up straight, groaning as the room spun and his stomach turned.  He kept himself upright and fought against the bile in his throat.  There wasn't supposed to be a team coming with him!  It was supposed to be Fili only.  Fili alone.  Now his meddling mother had to go find him some babysitters.

"Why, Mother?" Fili asked.

"I don't want you alone," she said simply.  "I want you to come back to me safely."

"But Mother --"

"You will go with these dwarves or you won't go at all," Dis said.  "Hurry up.  Breakfast will be soon."

Fili groaned and fell back onto his bed, grabbing the pillow and pressing it to his face.  He didn't want to go with anyone else.  They wouldn't understand, no one did.  Everyone understood grief.  They understood that Fili had watched his brother be kidnapped before his eyes.  They understood that, but they didn't understand why he couldn't just give up.  Yes, Kili's loss was great and tragic, but to hold onto that for 73 years?  No one would understand.

Unthinkingly, Fili's fingers wrapped around the mithril pendant on his chest.  A bad habit he'd never grown out of.  It was soothing in such a strange way, as if he was calming his soul.  It was the only thing that kept Fili sane all these long years of being alone.  He wasn't meant to be alone.  Fili was meant to have a little brother at his side.  He was meant to be one part of a whole, with Kili the other.  This necklace was the only thing that tied him to his brother -- the only thing he had left of little Kili.

The other dwarves wouldn't understand.

Fili scarfed his breakfast down and, still woozy from the hangover, ran up to the library.  Erebor had a rather large library, but it wasn't the biggest one.  Dwarf kingdoms were not recognized for their books and scrolls.  They were known for their mines and forges; their gold and silver; their sapphire and emerald.  Erebor had a library sufficient for their needs, but there was an even bigger library among the seven dwarf kingdoms.  That was Ered Luin, the Blue Mountains.  The place where Kili would be.

"Good morning, young prince," Balin greeted him, as usual, from behind a massive counter.

"Morning," Fili replied.

"Still not up to par, eh?" Balin chuckled, coming out from behind the counter.  "I heard what you were up to last night."

"It was your brother's fault," Fili said.  "Honestly."

"That's not how he tells it," Balin smiled slyly.

"Dwalin always puts himself in a higher light," Fili said.  "He tries to be like the heroes in the old stories."

"Perhaps he is one."

"A hero?  Letting a young dwarf prince drink himself into a clumsy stupor and not have the balls to greet him in the morning is not action worthy of a hero," Fili scoffed as Balin laughed.

"You're going to Ered Luin tomorrow, correct?" Balin motioned for Fili to follow him to the back room.

"Yeah," Fili nodded.

"And your mother has told me that you are not to go alone," Balin said.

"Yeah, don't remind me," Fili rolled his eyes.  "I'm not a child, Balin.  I have gone hunting with my uncles.  I have ventured into the Greenwood with Dwalin.  I have led patrols and escorted diplomats to the Iron Hills!  I'm more than ready to go to Ered Luin by myself."

"I don't think Dis is worried about you coming back from Ered Luin safely," Balin said, opening a door and ushering Fili inside.  "I believe she is worried what will happen if you don't find your brother."

"It doesn't matter because Kili is there," Fili said as Balin shut the door.

"So," a new voice came from the shadows.  "This is the child?"

Fili turned, a rebuttal quick on his lips.  He hadn’t been called a child in years.

"Nori, be polite!" another voice chimed in, deeper and more commanding.

"Fili," Balin said, putting a calming hand on Fili's shoulder.  "These are the three dwarves that will be going with you.  Brothers Dori, Nori and Ori."

From the shadows emerged the three brothers.  Fili's first thought was that they looked nothing alike.  Then again, he and Kili weren't very similar either.  His second thought was that his mother picked perhaps, the worst dwarves to tail him to Ered Luin.  His third thought was why?  Was this Dis’s doing?  Or was this Mahal's fate for him?  Here was Fili, on a quest to find his long lost brother, the half to make him whole, and he was being accompanied by brothers themselves.

"Dori, at your service!"  He must be the oldest.  He was round with silver hair in intricate braids and had a stuffy air about him.

"Nori, at your service."  The middle brother.  He had shifty eyes and hair in a thick long braid down his back, beard loose across his chest.

"Ori, at your service."  The youngest.  Why, he looked hardly older than Fili himself!

"Fili, at yours," Fili bowed his head slightly.

"Well, let's get on with it, shall we?" Dori said primly, clapping his hands together.  "We heard you were going to Ered Luin and thought we might tag along.  Ori here's very taken with books and wants to see their library and Nori... well..."

"I'm a bit too familiar around here," Nori said smoothly.  "Everyone needs time to escape."

Fili nodded politely, though it hardly mattered.  He wasn't going to be traveling with them for long.  They spread a map over the table and Balin traced a path from Erebor to Ered Luin.  It would go through the Greenwood, through Moria, and over the Shire.  Looked easy enough.  Nori had secured enough money to buy them supplies in the morning.  Dori had five ponies for the venture.  It seemed as though they were ready.

"Orcs roam these lands," Balin pointed to the land between Rivendell and Bree.  "You must be careful on that road."

"We will travel with utmost caution," Dori nodded.  He took his brothers and, with a nod to Fili, left the library.

As soon as the door was shut, Fili turned on Balin.  "My mother got me a fusspot, a thief, and a bookworm to be my traveling companions?"

"They are tougher than they look!" Balin said, rolling the map up and handing it to Fili.  "Dori is the strongest dwarf in the mountain.  Nori is the only thief that ever escaped our guards.  And Ori is a crack shot with anything he can throw."

"Hardly the entourage Mother made it sound," Fili sighed.  "I was hoping for an adventure, Balin."

"No, you were hoping to find your brother," Balin corrected him gently.  "Now get out and spend your last day doing something fun."

Fili rolled his eyes but dutifully left the library as well.  Do something fun?  As if Fili had anything fun he could do.  He wandered Erebor mindlessly, letting his feet carry him wherever they wished.

The halls of the mountain were magnificent in their grandeur.  Huge, sleek walls with intricate designs inlaid with gold.  The echo of the forges deep beneath.  The sounds of the markets and heavy step of booted feet.  These were sights and sounds familiar to Fili, things that he had grown up with.

Some nights, when Fili tried very hard to remember the time _before_ , he remembered leading Kili through the corridors to the great hall.  Just flashes of memory, gone in a wisp of breath.

There were so many things that Fili wished he had the chance to do.  To run with Kili through the palace, hands covered with jelly and cream.  To sneak out in the middle of the night to meet up with some pretty lasses.  To wander through these halls together, shoulder to shoulder, making jokes and laughing as they went.

Fili was a brother.  He was half of a whole and he always would be until he found Kili.

His feet brought him to the great hall.  The chandeliers were glowing dimly and cast huge shadows across the walls.  Fili walked across the stone floor, his steps echoing on the stone walls.  He had an idea where he was going.  There was only one thing in the great hall that he cared for.

The painting was old, nearly 80 years, but it was undimmed by time.  At the end of the great hall, it hung proudly, displayed for all to see.  Thror seated on his throne with Thrain, Thorin and Frerin beside it.  Dis sat beside him, with a toddler on her lap and a child standing beside her.  Fili remembered that day, having to stand for hours while the artist painted.

He stopped in front of Kili.  He couldn't have been more than three when this was painted.  Dark hair, dark eyes, a goofy smile on his face.  What did Kili look like now that he was older?  Did he still smile like a puppy dog?  Were his eyes just as big and innocent as when this was painted?  Did he have a beard?

Would he recognize Fili?


	4. Rivendell

Kifur rather liked the Shire.  The rolling hills covered with powdery snow and the little children running through it, bundled up tightly, except their feet, which were bare on the snowy grounds.  He had planned to stay in the Green Dragon for one night, just one night, and then be on his way.

"You may not want to do that, Master Dwarf," the innkeeper said, showing Kifur his rooms.  "There's a storm coming through here, mighty bad at that.  Last time we saw a winter this dark the Brandywine froze over."

"No, I must be on my way," Kifur insisted.

"No need to rush, Master Dwarf," the innkeeper said.  "A few good nights rest might do you good.  Your path will be there whether you leave tomorrow or no and leaving later means you won't be sleeping on frozen ground."

"I'll consider it," Kifur said after a beat.  "If you could bring me dinner in an hour, it would be most appreciated."

The innkeeper bowed and stepped out, closing the door behind him.  Kifur set his bag down and took a breath.  He had done it.  He was out of Ered Luin.  He pulled his map out and smoothed it on the table.  Bifur had shown him the quickest way to Erebor.  He still had quite a ways to go.  Baby steps though.  Baby steps.  He was hoping to make it to Rivendell by mid-spring, his halfway point.  Dwarves were not the closest with elves, but Kifur knew they were welcoming hosts and he intended to make the most of it.

He ended up staying in the Shire for a week.  He loved being with the hobbits.  They were kind and friendly and more than willing to talk about good food and good pipe weed and good ale, things that every dwarf enjoyed.  His pack was filled with food, he had a walking stick gifted to him, and the winter weather seemed to be lightening up.

Astride Berry, Kifur left the Shire.  He waved to the halflings as he passed by, the children smiling around their scarves and waving with mittened hands.  His walking stick was tucked safely against the saddle and he cheerfully rode from the Shire.

Bifur was right.  There were little huts along the road for travelers to stay in.  They were nothing more than stone huts with a fire pit in the front, but it was shelter from snow and rain, so Kifur couldn't complain too much.

The stop in Bree was much shorter, only one night.  He didn't like the feeling of the human settlement.  It had a sense of gloom surrounding it and it felt like there were eyes staring at him.  Kifur left as soon as dawn hit.

This side of Bree was a lot gloomier than the other.  The shelters were in wretched condition, crumbling and barely giving cover, but it was better than nothing.  He survived on little fires, dried fruits and meat, and cold water from the snow.  Occasionally he shot a rabbit and had a hot stew for dinner, but the rabbits here were tough and stringy, hardly worth eating.

"I don't like this place," Kifur whispered to Berry as they traveled past Weathertop.  "Too exposed in the snow."  She nickered in agreement.

Kifur rode past Weathertop even further until he came to another shelter.  He didn't want to stay, but he knew that he couldn't continue in the dark.  He tethered Berry to a tree and huddled in all his blankets under the little shelter.  He didn't want to risk a fire.  All his hunter senses were on high alert.  He couldn't explain why, but he knew that something bad was going to happen.  He could practically feel it.

Every noise was amplified.  Every creak of snow as Berry shuffled her hooves.  Her soft breaths and whinnies.  The silent sound of snow falling from trees onto the ground.  His nerves were singing in his body and he couldn't begin to think of sleeping.  Kifur was waiting for a different sound.  Having spent years hunting in the Blue Mountains, Kifur knew what sounds were natural to the forest.  He couldn't explain why he was waiting for something different, but he just had a feeling that something was wrong.

His fingers tangled in the mithril chain against his chest.  It kept him calm, sane, and clearheaded.

That's when he heard it.

A rustle and a growl.

Berry whinnied brightly and Kifur crouched, loosening the sword in his sheath.  He heard rough guttural tones in a deep voice, then another orc voice replying.  An orc pack.  He narrowed his eyes, peering through the dark to see half a dozen orcs gathering outside the shelter.  That was possible.  Kifur could take care of a few orcs.

He breathed deeply.  His heartbeat slowed.  He opened his eyes and lunged.

The first orc went down quickly, knife in the neck.  He swung his sword and sliced into another before there was any retaliation.  He ducked a swing and stabbed up into the orc's gut.  Another swing to him and Kifur dodged, rolling to the side.  They shouted something in their language and Kifur cut through them.  He turned to face the last orc and stabbed it in the neck.  The orc gave a grisly grin and fell to the ground.

The snow was stained with blood, hot and steaming in the winter air.  Kifur smiled.  Six orcs.  Child's play.  He turned to smile at Berry and felt searing pain up his abdomen.  He reached down to touch his stomach, his hand coming away red and sticky.  Berry walked up to him, nuzzling his neck.

"This is bad," Kifur said, his vision going slightly black.  He stumbled into the shelter, gathering everything into his pack.  He tore a long strip of a blanket and tied it around his stomach, trying to stop the bleeding.  "Rivendell," he whispered to Berry.  "Take me there."

Kifur swore that Berry nodded.  He climbed onto her back and bravely she trotted away.  It was cold and Kifur couldn't see where they were going.  Mirra was going to kill him.  Berry was a warm presence beneath him, plodding forward to somewhere.

"Save me," he whispered.

He bent over on her neck, his stomach burning with pain.  He looked down and saw as they crossed a river.  It was so clear.  Something in the air changed and Kifur almost breathed a sigh of relief.  He saw people running towards him.

"Good pony," he mumbled, falling from her back and blacking out.

* * *

Fili ran.  Dori, Nori, and Ori were still sleeping.  They had just left Moria and he was fed up with their brother talk and relationship.  The three of them were beyond dysfunctional.  Dori mothered Ori when it was clear that Ori only wanted to be free.  Nori was estranged, constantly being told off by Dori and admired by Ori.  Fili had grown sick of their bickering within weeks.

Fili only had a light pack as he ran up the mountain.  Rivendell was close by, a place where Fili could hide out before leaving for Ered Luin alone.  He couldn't explain why he wanted to find Kili by himself, but he needed to.  He couldn't be with someone else while he found his lost brother.  He felt as though it would taint the moment.

He sprinted, the necklace bouncing on his chest.  His people were hardly on friendly terms with elves, but Rivendell was a place he could be safe for a while.  No one would dare look for him in an elven home.  He slid into the valley and ran through the buildings.

"What's your hurry, Master Dwarf?"

Fili turned and looked up at Elrond, Lord of Rivendell.  He looked down at Fili curiously.  Fili puffed himself up instinctively.

"It is uncommon for princes of Erebor to visit Rivendell unaccompanied," Elrond said.

"I need to stay for a few days," Fili said.  "I'm on my way to Ered Luin."

"Is that so?" Elrond raised his eyebrows.  "Did you know that a young dwarf happened to appear here just the other day?"

"What?!" Fili gasped.  "What did he look like?  Did he have dark hair?"

"Come along, I'll show you," Elrond said.  "He came on a pony; she had carried him for miles.  He was gravely injured, stabbed in the gut by an orc blade.  It's a good thing he came when he did or he might have died."

"He's okay?" Fili asked, jogging alongside Elrond.  "He's alive then, right?"

"Alive and healing," Elrond smiled, opening a large ornate door.

In a huge bed was a little figure, dark hair sprawled on the pillow.  Fili gave a little yelp and ran up to the bed, his heart in his throat.  He stopped right beside the bed, hesitant to reach out.

"You may stay as long as you'd like," Elrond said.

He closed the door and Fili collapsed onto the chair next to the bed.  His hands were on the necklace, fingers running along the mithril pendant.  This could be it.  This could be his brother.  How many years has Fili waited for this?  He had waited for decades to find his brother and this could be him, right here.  What was he going to say?  What could he do?

Fili reached out and gently pulled the blanket back.  The dwarf had dark hair, long and slightly wavy.  His face was round and he had a bit of scruff.  Fili reached down and lifted up a thin mithril chain.  On the end was a thin pendant, set with a sapphire and an ornate 'K'.

His heart stopped.  Fili's hands shook and he dropped the necklace.  This was his brother.  This had to be him.  Kili.  He was alive.  Fili pressed his fist into his mouth and felt a sob in his chest.  His eyes were burning and Fili was falling.

"Oh, Kili," Fili breathed, grabbing Kili's hand and pressing it to his face.  "Kili, Kili, Kili."

He bent over the bed and sobbed.

* * *

Kifur felt fuzzy and warm.  He remembered fighting the orcs in the snow, their dark blood black on the snow.  He remembered Berry leading him to Rivendell.  He remembered dreaming of elves standing over him, muttering in elvish and a strange glow around them.

With a huge gasp, Kifur sat straight up.  He grabbed the necklace on his chest tightly in his fist.  His heart was pounding in his ribcage, trying to break out.  He pressed a hand against his stomach, feeling a thin scar where there used to be a gaping wound.  The room was large and airy, with open windows and creamy curtains.

"Welcome, young dwarf," a deep voice spoke.

Kifur turned, hair flying, and saw an elf with dark hair looking down on him serenely.

"Who are you?" Kifur asked.

"My name is Elrond," the elf said, bowing his head slightly.  "Welcome to Rivendell."

"I'm Kifur.  Did you... heal me?"

"Yes, though it wasn't easy," Elrond said.  "Your wound was orcish, rather nasty one too, but nothing beyond our skills.  You may still feel ill for a few days, but are more than welcome to stay here while you continue to heal."

"Thank you," Kifur sighed, leaning back onto the pillows.

"We also have a special guest, if you'd like to meet him," Elrond said with a curious twinkle in his eye.

Before Kifur could ask what Elrond was talking about, the door opened and a blonde dwarf came through as Elrond slipped out.  The dwarf was broad with blue eyes and a worried face.  Something about him felt comforting and relaxing.  It almost felt like home.  As soon as the dwarf laid eyes on Kifur, his face lit up and he practically ran to the bedside.

"You're awake!" he exclaimed.

"Who are you?" Kifur asked, trying to ignore how right this felt.

"My name is Fili," the dwarf said.  "I'm from Erebor."

"Erebor?!" Kifur sat up straight.  "I'm going there!  My family thinks I'm crazy for going so far away from Ered Luin, but I'm more than old enough to go on my own."

"How old are you?" Fili asked, his face falling slightly.

"Just turned 77 a few weeks back," Kifur shrugged.  "I guess they aren't really my family, just the family that adopted me when they found me in the abandoned mine."

Kifur stopped, blinking quickly.  He shook his head slightly.  He never told anyone that.  His adoption was something he rarely spoke about.  Why was he talking to this Fili about it?  There was something about him that just made Kifur feel safe and at home.

"I'm sorry," Kifur said, leaning against the headboard, suddenly exhausted.  "I don't usually unload like that."

"No, no, it's fine," Fili said, sitting on the bed.  "I'm just curious, where's your real family?"

"I wish I knew," Kifur sighed.  "I don't know anything about my life before Bofur took me in.  All I have is this."  Kifur pulled his necklace out.  "Bofur said it's too fancy for anything other than Erebor, so I'm going to try and find my family."

"You don't... remember?" Fili asked, his eyes drilling into Kifur.  "At all?"

"Only vague things," Kifur sighed.  "Royal blue silk.  Shining halls.  I mean, hardly anything."

"Right," Fili said, looking down.  "Um, well, when you're up for it, I can take you to Erebor."

"Really?" Kifur smiled through a yawn.  "That'd be great."

"I'll check on you in the morning," Fili said, smiling slightly.  "Uh -- sleep well?"

Kifur nodded, exhaustion suddenly settling into his bones, and fell fast asleep.

* * *

Fili shut the door to Kili's room.  He took a steadying breath and leaned against the solid wood.  He hiccupped and Fili felt himself sliding down the door, sobs racking his entire body.  He pulled his knees up to his chest, tucked his face into them, and cried.

Kili didn't remember.  Kili had no memory of Fili or of their family.  This wasn't part of Fili's plan.  He was going to find Kili, his baby brother, and they would be reunited and then go back home to Erebor and all would be well.  Kili wasn't supposed to forget and find a new family!  This was not part of the plan.

Of course, Fili would still take him back to Erebor.  Perhaps if Kili saw the halls, saw the mountain, saw their _mother_ , then he would remember.

But he couldn't say anything.  Fili could not breathe a word to Kili about who he was.  If Kili knew he was a prince... he'd run off for sure.  Kili would disappear into the Blue Mountains again and Fili would never see him.

Yes, that is what he would do.  He would take Kili to Erebor but do nothing else.  Not until Kili knew who he was.


	5. Departure

Kifur got bored.  Being injured was _boring_.  More boring than having to watch the little ones.  More boring than Bifur’s toy making.  More boring than listening to Bofur talk about his bloody stone sense.  He had to stay in this ridiculously airy room and be watched over and he wasn't allowed to venture around Rivendell at all.  Fili seemed to have decided that Kifur was his personal responsibility and brought him books and maps and let him talk however long he wanted.

It was nice.  Fili was nice.  He felt familiar, somehow.  Kifur tried not to think about it too much.

"Elrond says we can leave this week!" Fili cheered, bouncing into the room.  "Isn't that wonderful, Kee?"

That was something else that Fili started doing.  Calling him 'Kee'.  Kifur didn't complain, not at all.  It felt good to hear a nickname again.  Usually his family called him 'Kif' for short, but he liked the sound of 'Kee' better.  Maybe because it went so well with 'Fee'.

"Yeah," Kifur chuckled.  "We're going to Erebor!"

"You're going to love it," Fili said, flopping on the bed beside Kili.  "It's huge and the halls are massive.  You could fit a dragon in there!  And the mines are so big and so deep, which is nothing compared to the forges, bright and hot and absolutely incredible."

"You're awfully excited," Kifur noticed, poking Fili in the side.

"I'm going home, of course I'm excited," Fili poked Kifur in retaliation.  "Aren't you excited?  Don't you want to see your family?"

"I do," Kifur said emphatically.  "I really do, but I'm scared, you know?  I mean, it's been a long time.  Maybe they forgot about me."

"No," Fili said strongly, sitting up straight and looking at Kifur very seriously.  "Your family has not forgotten you.  They would never forget you."

Kifur was stunned by the emotion in Fili's voice.  He sounded so sure.

"You can't know that for certain," Kifur reasoned.  "It doesn't matter, really.  Either they remember me or they don't."  His fingers fiddled with the mithril chain around his neck.

"I am not taking you to Erebor if you're going to be pessimistic about it," Fili said.  "Your family will remember.  I know it."

"Whatever, Fee," Kifur rolled his eyes.  "When are we leaving?"

"As soon as we can," Fili sighed, resting his hands behind his head.  "Have you ever traveled much?"

"Eh, not really," Kifur said, sliding down so he was side by side with Fili.  "I've never been allowed outside of the Blue Mountains.  Probably because Mirra's afraid I'll get kidnapped or something."  Fili didn't laugh like Kifur does.  "Sorry, something wrong?"

"It's just..." Fili trailed off.  "I mean... I had a little brother once.  He got kidnapped though.  Years ago.  Never saw him again."

"Oh," Kifur said, a cold stone dropping into his stomach.  The silence was thick in the air.  “I… I’m sorry to hear.”

“It’s okay,” Fili shrugged.  “It’s been years, decades even.  I should be over it.  It’s just hard.  I’m still a brother, you know?  Even though my other half is gone.”

Kifur only nodded.  He knew how strong the bond of brotherhood was.  He’d seen Bofur scrimp and save to buy ingredients that Bombur really wanted.  He’d watch Bombur’s children help each other into the cookie jar, climbing all over each other.  Something in him yearned for that kind of closeness.  A friend who was more than just a friend.  A brother, who would be there forever and never leave, no matter what.  Someone to joke with, to fight with, to run away with.

“For what it’s worth,” Kifur said slowly, unsure where the words were coming from, only knowing that they felt _right_ , “I could be your brother.”

The look Fili gave him was wide-eyed and scared.  He looked completely frozen and his blue eyes seemed to flicker with tears.

“I mean, I know I couldn’t replace your brother,” Kifur said quickly.  “But maybe we could be shield brothers?  I don’t like being alone either, you know.”

Fili still wasn’t saying anything.  Kifur vaguely thought he should shut up and let the dwarf think, but he’s never been good at listening to the sensible part of his mind.

“I’m sorry, that’s stupid of me.  I don’t know why I said anything.  You’ve got a brother and you don’t need me.  I’m just a lonely drifter and I didn’t mean to make you sad --”

“No, no,” Fili said, blinking rapidly.  “I mean… if you wanna be shield brothers, we can.  It’s just… a little soon, isn’t it?”

“Bifur told me that when you find your shield brother you just know,” Kifur shrugged.  “That something will just _click_ and you just know that you’re meant to be together and fight alongside each other.  Apparently, that’s how Bombur and Mirra met.”

“My uncle is shield brothers with my teacher,” Fili said softly, as though divulging a great secret.

“Well it’s not _always_ romantic,” Kifur rolled his eyes.  “But you’d have to trust someone a lot to fight alongside them and trust them to have your back, right?”

“Right.”

“And Bombur and Mirra just had a little extra affection on the side,” Kifur shrugged.  “I guess… only if you want to, that is.”

“Oh, I do,” Fili said quickly, rolling to his side so he could see Kifur better.

Kifur’s heart started to beat double time at the eagerness in Fili’s voice.  He looked at those pale blue eyes and smiling mouth and felt himself grin in return.

“Really?” Kifur asked.  He had to make sure.  He didn’t want to rope Fili into being his brother just because he was lonely.  Kifur wouldn’t do something as selfish as that.  But if Fili wanted it… wanted to be his shield brother, then maybe this whole adventure to Erebor wouldn’t be so bad.

“Really,” Fili said.  “On my honor, Kee.”

“Shield brothers Fee and Kee,” Kifur said, throwing his arms out dramatically, trying not to snicker at how silly it sounded.  “They will write songs and ballads of us!  We shall have entire volumes of history books in our honor.”

Fili laughed and laughed and laughed.  Kifur grinned and kept rattling off the great things they would do as shield brothers.  The enemies they would conquer, the lands they would defend, and the maidens they would rescue.  Each passing comment had another peal of laughter from Fili and Kifur couldn’t stop.

It was addicting to hear.

They left three days later.


	6. Remembrance

Travelling with Fili was a lot better than travelling alone.  Elrond had given them plenty of supplies to last a month if they were careful with them.  It felt so good to be riding beside Fili (his shield brother!) and enjoying the warm spring air.  With any luck, they would make it to Erebor by the middle of summer.

“Erebor is at its best during the summer and autumn anyway,” Fili said as they rode through the Misty Mountains.  “Dale is open for trade and the elves of the Greenwood visit and there is so much preparation for Durin’s Day in the winter.”

“I love Durin’s Day!” Kifur gushed.  “The food and music and all the pretty jewelry.  It’s the only time that Mirra lets us stay out as long as we like.”

“She’s the one who adopted you, right?” Fili asked.

“Kinda,” Kifur shrugged.  “The whole family really adopted me.  I couldn’t have asked to be raised by better dwarves than them.”

“They sound incredible,” Fili smiled gently.

“Yeah, they are,” Kifur sighed.  “Though, I’m sure my real family is just as wonderful.”

“I’m sure they are,” Fili laughed.

They made it across the Mountains in record time, at least that’s what it felt like.  In some strange clarity, Kifur knew that they were going no faster than any others who traveled this worn path.  In his heart, it felt like no time at all.

They spent their days in laughter.  Kifur would point at the various plants he recognizes from Ered Luin.  The herbs that Bombur used in his cooking.  The flowers that Bifur collected into magnificent bouquets.  The leaves that relieve pain and fevers.  Fili looked at him strangely each time.

They never camped for lunch, choosing instead to eat while riding.  They wanted to spend as much time together as possible, but they also felt a keen urgency to arrive at Erebor before the end of autumn.  Kifur wanted to see a true Durin’s Day celebration, one held at the heart of dwarven kingdoms.

Then, as the sun would set, they would finally set up camp.  Kifur would cook up whatever food they had into a lumpy stew while Fili took care of the ponies.  Some nights, Fili would spar with him, teaching him how to hold his own in a battle.  Other nights, they would lie on their bedrolls, side by side and look at the inky expanse of sky above, tracing constellations and telling stories.

That is when the dreams began.

It wasn’t anything concrete at first.  Kifur would wake up to a soft dawn and his heart would be pounding.  He couldn’t remember any images from the dream, just the feelings.  Feelings of warmth and safety.  The smell of hot metal and sound of creaking leathers.  He had no idea what these brief feelings were, but they left him with an empty space in his chest in the mornings.

They were hardly nightmares, though Kifur wished they were.  Nightmares he could brush off.   Everyone had terrors and fears that came with the setting of the sun.  If these were nightmares, then Kifur could confess to Fili and they would do something about it.  But these weren’t nightmares.  They were simply dreams.

“There it is,” Fili said, gesturing to the wild woods before him.  “The Greenwood.  There’s a path that’ll take us straight to Erebor.”

“You sound a little hesitant,” Kifur said.

“We’ll be going by Thranduil and his elves,” Fili shrugged.  “They’re not like Elrond and his folk but they’ll let us pass in peace.”

“Sounds fun,” Kifur said, shifting uneasily in his saddle.  “Maybe we should wait until tomorrow?  The less time in the woods the better, yeah?”

Fili visibly relaxed and gave Kifur a grateful smile.  They set up camp beside the Anduin, tethering the ponies and starting a small fire.

“Tell me about your family,” Kifur said, pulling out a block of wood he’d been whittling the past few weeks.  “You know all about mine.  All I know is you once had a brother.  What’s your mother like?”

Fili froze where he was poking at the fire.  He glanced at Kifur with big sad eyes.  Kifur recognized that look.  That was the look that Mirra and Bombur’s children got in their eyes when they had a secret.  Big, sad eyes that were longing to share the secrets they held.  Kifur also knew that those kind of secrets came out when the time was right.  Forcing them into words would only cause problems.

“She’s lovely,” Fili murmured, gazing back into the flames.  “Raven hair, skin like moonlight.  She would always wear green, like emeralds, with gold trimming.  All the mithril in the world could not compare to her.  She looked like the sun itself had come down to rest in her hair.”

Kifur could imagine it.  A beautiful dwarven damsel, dressed in the emerald green with the sun at her command.

“But you’re blonde,” Kifur deadpanned.

“Heh, yeah,” Fili chuckled.  “That’s from my uncle.  He’s blonde too.”

“You’re like a lion,” Kifur chuckled, reaching over and pulling at Fili’s hair.  “A strong lion with a powerful mane!”

“Then you’re a little puppy!” Fili brushed a hand across the scruff on Kifur’s face.  “Hardly grown into his own body.”

“I’ll have you know that I cut my beard so it doesn’t catch in my bow,” Kifur said sharply.  “Mine would be larger than yours if I’d grown it out!”

“Whatever you say, little one.”

Kifur huffed and rolled onto his side, away from Fili, pretending to be upset.

“Aw, Kee, don’t be upset!” Fili said, pressing himself right next to Kifur.  “I’m only teasing!”

“I know that, you clot,” Kifur laughed.  “Don’t be so serious!”

“I could never live with myself if I had made you upset,” Fili continued, dramatically flinging his arm over Kifur’s chest and holding him tight.  “Not my shield brother!  I’d be all alone out here in the wilderness with no one to cook for me!”

“So that’s all I’m good for?” Kifur rolled back around.  “Cooking?”

Fili smirked and shrugged.  “I’m only being honest.”

“You are impossible,” Kifur groaned, pushing Fili away from him.

“That’s what brothers are,” Fili said with pride.

Kifur flung his blanket onto Fili’s face.

 

_It was dark and cool.  He was in the mountain.  Not just any mountain.  He was in Erebor.  Home.  He opened his eyes and saw the glowing of a lamp on his bedside.  His brother must have put it there.  Fili.  He rolled over and saw Fili, spread out on the floor, tiny blonde head cushioned by a mass of blankets, chest rising and falling slowly._

_He smiled and crept from his bed.  The stone floor was freezing cold.  He hissed and dragged his blanket behind him.  Carefully, he slotted himself into Fili’s side, pulling the blanket over them both._

_“Night, Fee,” he whispered into his brother’s chest._

_Fili mumbled and pulled him close, breath tickling his forehead.  “Night, Kee.”_

 

Kifur snapped into awakeness all at once.  His body was thrust from the dream, the image burned into his mind.  He tried to shake it off, the image of brotherhood between him and Fili.  They were shield brothers, but they weren’t real brothers.  Not flesh and blood.  They were not made of memories to last a lifetime.

It was still dark, the fire only embers.  Kifur grabbed his blanket and stoked the fire up to a reasonable flame.  He cocooned himself and pulled a book from his pack.  He hadn’t spared it a glance since leaving Ered Luin but stubbornly clung to the extra weight.  Bifur said it would be helpful.

In the dim light, Kifur traced his fingers over the gilded cover.  It was a book on the lineage and history of Durin and Erebor.  Something dry and boring, no doubt, but if Kifur wanted to go to Erebor, he might as well learn as much of their history as he could.

 

_He smiled up at his mother, hand held tight in his brothers.  She bent down and kissed him on the forehead, then his brother._

_“I’m so proud of you, my sons,” she held them close.  “You are going to make Erebor proud.”_

_“Then we shouldn’t tell you that we stole Dwalin’s cookies?” he asked._

_“Kee!” his brother snapped.  “Ma, we really didn’t steal Dwalin’s cookies.”_

_“Boys, boys, boys,” Ma laughed softly.  “You know that Dwalin keeps his cookies hidden away for a reason.”_

_“So that little dwarflings can’t get them?” he said, looking up at Ma from under his lashes, practically quivering in his boots._

_“To see which dwarflings are going to be great warriors,” Ma said with a smile.  “No one had ever stolen Dwalin’s cookies.  Especially not ones as young as you.”_

_“Really?” they grinned together._

_“Once you’re big enough, Dwalin’s going to train you to fight like the princes you are.”_

 

They fell into an easy routine as they entered the Greenwood.  There were more animals to hunt here and Kifur spent their time teaching Fili how to track deer and rabbits through the woods.  Fili would put together their beds and Kifur would cook up something.  Bombur would be proud.

“What are you reading?” Fili asked, collapsing onto the ground next to Kifur.

“Some book that Bifur gave me,” Kifur shrugged.  “It’s the history of Erebor.  Pretty boring.”

“History was never my favorite either,” Fili yawned.  “I had to memorize the entire royal line of Durin.  That was a nightmare.  I do not recommend.”

“I can’t imagine,” Kifur mused, turning the page past the line of Durin.

“Why are you reading it anyway?”

“I’m not really sure,” Kifur said honestly.  “It just feels right.  Between that and the dreams…”

“Dreams?” Fili looked at Kifur curiously.  “What kind of dreams?”

“Just… dreams,” Kifur shrugged.  “I think my memories are coming back.”

“Memories?  Of like, your family before?”

“I think so,” Kifur said.  “There’s nothing really solid, just… feelings and images.  Mountain halls and my brother…”

“Brother?” Fili repeated, sitting up straight now.  His eyes were glowing in the firelight.

“That’s the only explanation for it,” Kifur closed the book and tucked it away.  “An older brother.  The best one.”

Fili’s face softened in the light.  Kifur thought, for a brief second, of telling Fili that he was the brother in his dreams.  That when Kifur dreamed of the mountain, he dreamed of Fili as his brother.  He couldn’t really tell Fili.  That would ruin everything, wouldn’t it?  Fili had already lost his little brother and Kifur couldn’t replace him.  He shouldn’t even bother trying.

 

_He was dimly aware of Fili by his side, half dragging, half carrying him to their rooms.  They were at a huge party, everyone was there, and Uncle had given them necklaces!  They were beautiful and matching and he was the greatest uncle ever._

_“Feeeee,” he whined.  “We there yet?”_

_“Almost Kee,” Fili said, pushing open the door to their room.  “Just go to sleep, ‘kay?”_

_“Mmm’kay,” he mumbled into Fili’s shoulder._

_They fell onto Fili’s bed, being too tired to be in separate beds.  He snuggled right up next to Fili, giving a huge yawn._

_Then he was being pulled from his bed.  A strange dwarf held him tight, hand over his mouth.  Heart pounding, he bit the hand and screamed.  Fili was up but the dwarf was taking him away.  Fili was screaming his name and the strange dwarf was taking him to the window._

_The dwarf jumped from the window and he screamed, Fili shouting his name._

_“KILI!”_

 

Kifur practically flew out of his bedroll in panic.  He was covered in a cold sweat and his heart was bursting through his chest.  That did not feel like a dream.  That did not feel like imagination.  That felt real.  That felt like a memory.

Crawling to the brightest patch of moonlight, Kifur opened his book and flipped to the page of the line of Durin.  The one page that Fili never wanted him to read.  The page that Fili always had him avoid.  This could hardly be the reason why, couldn’t it?

Thror, King under the Mountain.  Kifur knew of him.  The mightiest dwarf lord in Middle Earth.

Thrain, his son, heir to the throne and to the mountain.

Thorin, Frerin, and Dis, the third generation of the line.

With shaking fingers, Kifur traced the gilded line that connected Dis to her children.  Two boys.  Fili and Kili.  Princes of Erebor.

Kifur glanced at Fili’s sleeping figure.  To think, he had been travelling with a prince!  And heir to the throne of Erebor!  What if something had happened?  What was it going to look like if Kifur waltz into Erebor with Prince Fili?  He traced the Royal Seal of Erebor, embossed on the page.

It looked strangely familiar to him.  A circle made of Cirth Runes.  In the center was a throne, a shining stone above it.  Where had he seen it before?  He ran a thumb over the engraved ‘K’ on his necklace.

Oh.

He pulled it out and looked at it closer.  The necklace he’d had since he was born, one that he’d looked at forever.  The necklace that had offered him comfort for years.  Tucked behind the engraved letter, was the Royal Seal of Erebor.

And the floodgates were opened.

He was Kili, son of Dis, brother of Fili.  He was a prince of Erebor!  Those dreams were not dreams; they were memories!  He was Fili’s missing brother!  The one that Fili was looking for.  All those thoughts of being shield brothers… was that his subconscious calling to him?

Then another thought hit Kifur.  Did Fili know?  Did he know who Kifur really was?  All those big sad eyes whenever he talked about his family or when Kifur talked about remembering his home.  How quickly Fili pushed aside any talk about his missing brother.  Did he know?

He sat there in the moonlight, book open and pendant in his palm, for what felt like ages.  This is who he was.  A prince.  Bofur surely must have recognized the Royal Seal.  Why didn’t anyone tell him?  Was this why Mirra was so opposed to him visiting Erebor?  Did she not want him to find out who he truly was?

A prince.

“Hey,” Fili mumbled, dragging his blanket and coming beside Kifur, who jumped at the sound.  “Why are you awake?  It’s too early.”

“Did you know?” Kifur asked, surprised at how steady his voice was, considering his heart was stuttering in his chest.

“Know what?” Fili asked through a yawn.

“Who I am.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you know that I was your brother?” Kifur asked, eyes hard on Fili.

His entire demeanor changed.  His face changed from exhaustion to terror and nervousness.  He cast his eyes around their darkened camp, as if trying to change the subject.  Then his expression landed on regret, blue eyes hooded as he looked at Kifur with big, sad eyes.

“I was going to tell you,” he muttered.

“How long?” Kifur asked, his face burning.

Fili didn’t answer, just looked down at his folded hands.

“How long?!” Kifur demanded.

“...Rivendell.”

Kifur slammed the book shut and Fili jumped.

“That long?!  When were you planning to tell me?  Were you going to tell me when we came to Erebor?  ‘Oh, by the way, you’re the lost prince of Erebor just so you know’.  Why didn’t you just tell me then?!”

“Kee, no, listen --” Fili said quickly.

“Is that why you call me that?” Kifur’s voice was accusatory as he cut Fili off.  “Why you never call me by my real name?  Scared you’d slip up?”

“But, Kee, you’re my shield brother,” Fili said softly, his eyes wide and wet.

“No, I’m not,” Kifur backed away.  “I’m Kili, aren’t I?  I’m your real brother, the one you’ve been looking for.  The one you lost.”

“Please, Kee, you have to understand,” Fili blinked and tears fell down his cheeks.

“Understand _what_ , exactly?!”  Kifur roared.  “You _lied_ to me!  You had no right to keep this from me!”

“You didn’t remember!” Fili shouted back.  “What was I supposed to do?!  You’re my _brother_ and you didn’t even remember!”

“I started having _dreams_!” Kifur countered.  “I have this necklace and you _still_ kept it hidden?!”

Kifur started grabbing his things and packing them in Berry’s saddlebags.  His hands shook with fury.  He didn’t turn around to look at Fili.

“What are you doing?” Fili asked, his voice thick.  Kifur’s heart snapped at the sound and he bit back his own tears.

“I’m leaving!” he shouted, even as his chest ached to stay.  “I’m going _home_.”  His voice broke on the last word.

“But _Erebor_ is your home.”

“No, it’s not.  My home is in Ered Luin.  I belong with Bifur and Bofur and Bombur and Mirra.”

“But you’re my brother.”

Kifur’s hands stilled on the saddlebags.  His heart was crying out for Fili, for his _brother_ , for family and for Erebor.  He had spent his whole life wanting to know where he belonged, wanting to find his family.  But now that he had his brother here, Kifur wanted to leave.  He couldn’t stay.

“No,” he forced the words out.  “I’m not your brother.”

* * *

The door was familiar before him.  The wood was thick and heavy, worn with years of use.  It had always been a sight of beauty to him after a long day of hunting.  It was home.  It had always been home.

He wasn’t quite sure of it now.

Everything was different now.  This mountain, the mountain he grew up in, was no longer as beautiful as it once was, not compared to the beauty of the world he had seen.  He never realized how quiet it was in the mountain, without someone beside him.

He took a deep breath, raised a shaking hand, and knocked on the door.

Mirra’s full frame filled the door as it opened.  Her auburn hair seemed to glow and she stared at him with wide, tired eyes.

“Kifur?”

“Hi, Mirra,” Kifur said softly.

She blinked rapidly and bit her lip.  Bombur always scolded her for doing that, telling her that it always gave her away when she wanted to cry.  She pulled in him by the front of his clothes and crushed him into a hug.  She smelled of warm bread and spiced cider.  A familiar scent that finally pushed him to the edge.

All the past weeks finally came crashing down on him.  Travelling back to Ered Luin alone from the Greenwood was lonely.  All he had were the memories of Fili, fresh in his mind.  Prince of Erebor… his brother.

 

 


	7. Invitation

Fili would be the last person to say that he was moping.  He was grieving.  This was a very different thing than moping.  Moping meant that there was no hope but Fili was holding onto it, praying to their Maker for a second chance to make things right with his brother.  Moping meant that Fili felt guilty for what he had done.

Fili, however, was grieving.  He had lost his brother and was mourning the loss.  He was not supposed to be feeling guilty for what he had done.  He was not supposed to be praying for a second chance.  Fili had ruined it and there was no hope of salvaging it.  It was time to let it go.

Even though Fili didn’t want to.

How could he ever want to forget his little brother?  To let him go into the abyss of memory?  To push away the smiles and the dimples and the laughter.  It would be like losing Kili all over again.  Except this time, more than before, it was Fili’s fault.

There was a knock at the door.  Fili groaned.  He rolled over onto his side and glared at the door.  Frerin opened it and stepped inside.

“Hey, little one,” he smiled, sitting beside Fili on his bed.  “Still moping?”

“I made a mistake,” Fili said, covering his face with his hands.  “A big mistake.”

“About not telling Kili who he was from the start?” Frerin guessed.

“What else was I supposed to do?” Fili sat up, anger and denial coursing through his body.  “He didn’t remember me.  He didn’t remember Erebor.  He didn’t remember _any_ of it!”

“But he still had his necklace,” Frerin reminded him gently.  “He was searching.”

“I was bringing him home,” Fili said.  “I was… I was helping…”

“But you weren’t answering.”

Fili had no rebuttal for that. Kili was searching and Fili had all the answers.  Despite all his justifying that it was the right decision, Fili felt guilty beyond belief.  How many times he had imagined how their travels would have gone if he had been forthright from the beginning.  Kili would certainly be here instead of back at Ered Luin.

Fili lost his only chance at bringing his brother back home.  That guilt was on him and him alone.

“You know,” Frerin said slowly.  “The Durin’s Day Celebration is coming up.”

“I know,” Fili fell back onto his bed.  “Mother won’t stop hounding me to help her.”

“Have you thought about sending an invitation to Kili?”

“Why?” Fili asked bitterly.  “To bring back old memories of me and how I broke his trust?  I doubt he’d want to come anyway.  Not after what happened.”

His eyes stung at the memory, still too fresh in his mind.  The moonlight that seemed to glow around Kili’s body, the tears building in his eyes, the break in his voice.

_I’m not your brother._

“There was one time I stole Thorin’s sword and went out to the practice fields with it,” Frerin said.  Fili looked up at him, his golden uncle, eyes distant in memories of the past.  “I just wanted to prove that I could use it, instead of the archery that Fundin was making me do.”

“But you broke it, right?” Fili said.  He’d heard this story many times over.  It was one of Frerin’s favorites.

“Yeah,” Frerin said softly.  “Cleaved it right in two.  I thought he was going to kill me for it.  I felt so guilty.  But you know what happened?”

“He didn’t kill you,” Fili smirked.

Frerin chuckled.  “No, he didn’t.  He found me hiding in the armory and pulled me into the biggest hug, nearly squeezed the life out of me.  He told me that the sword I stole needed to be reforged.  It had grown brittle with time and wear.  During battle it would have shattered.  He knew I took it and he only worried for my life.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“You and Kili are brothers.  Just because you were separated by half of Middle Earth doesn’t change that.  It’s in your bones.  What happened in the Greenwood happened, we can’t go back and change that.  But you can give Kili the opportunity to come back.”

“But what if --”

“No,” Frerin cut him off sharply.  “Brothers do not deal in what if’s.  Brotherhood is a bond forged by Mahal himself and there is no amount of time or distance that can severe that bond.  You and your brother may have had a fight, but you are brothers, soul bound forever.  Kili feels that bond just as much as you and he feels the pain that you are feeling and you would be a fool not to give him a way back home, to you.”

Frerin patted Fili comfortingly on the shoulder and left.

In his heart of hearts, Fili had thought about sending an invitation to Kili.  They were close.  They had become the brothers they were born to be.  It was everything that Fili had been dreaming of in finding his brother.  He finally felt something slot back into his life.

His baby brother, still as wild and untamed as a child.

Fili had lived 73 years without Kili by his side.  He wasn’t sure he could live without his brother again.  He wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

* * *

Kifur walked through the marketplace.  He had been in Ered Luin for a few weeks now, slowly getting back into the swing of things.  No one asked what happened on his way to Erebor.  Mirra gave him menial chores to keep his mind busy.  Bofur took him to the mines almost every day and Bifur had him running errands.  Tasks that kept his hands and mind busy.

But shopping kept his mind free to wander.  He tried not to let his mind wander to Erebor, to Fili, but it always ended up there some way or another.  Kifur still wore his necklace, though the weight of it was heavier than before.  It was no longer a link to his past, it was the weight of destiny.

After years of searching, Kifur finally knew his family.  He knew who he was.  Prince of Erebor.  He should go back; he knew he should.  Reclaim the title that was rightfully his, but he wasn’t Kili.  He didn’t have any social graces to be a prince.  He was Kifur, a middle class dwarf of Ered Luin.  He wasn’t anyone special and he wasn’t ever supposed to be.  He was a nobody.

“That’s a mighty fine necklace there,” a rough voice interrupted his thoughts.

Kifur glanced up and saw a thin dwarf leaning against the market stall.  He had a hood thrown on and a knife twirling between his fingers.  Kifur reached for his necklace without thinking.

“I was born with it,” Kifur said, the words heavy on his tongue.

“No, you weren’t,” the strange dwarf said matter-of-factly.  “It was a gift from your uncle, wasn’t it?”

That caught Kifur’s attention.  He narrowed his eyes and felt the comforting weight of a blade up his sleeve.  “Who are you?” Kifur asked, taking a step back.

Quick as a snake, the dwarf reached forward and snapped the necklace off Kifur’s neck.  Kifur barely had time to register what had happened when the dwarf took off through the market.  Kifur dropped his basket and ran after him.

The dwarf was agile, taking sharp turns, running up the stone walls and bounding across the rooftops.  Kifur was struggling to keep up.  Whenever he thought the dwarf was gone, he caught a glimpse of the purple cloak.  He followed the dwarf into a small home, right beside the Ered Luin Library.  A strange place for a thief to reside, Kifur thought, as he burst through the door.

“I found him!” the dwarf was shouting.  “I found him!”

Kifur bent over, catching his breath.  Footsteps thundered down the stairs and two more dwarves appeared.  One couldn’t have been older than Kili, with a wisp of a beard.  The other was much older and plump in all the right places.

“You’re sure this is him?” the older one asked.

“I got the necklace,” the dwarf Kifur followed held it out.

“That’s mine!” Kifur snatched it back, cradling it close to his chest.

“Is it now?” the older dwarf looked at Kifur curiously.  “Ori, you’re good with faces.  Who does this lad look like to you?”

“Thorin, naturally,” the youngest one said promptly.  “Except the eyes.  Those are the eyes of Lady Dis.”

Kifur could only stare dumbfounded at these dwarves.  How did they know about Thorin and Dis?  How did they know about Kifur’s necklace?  Who were they?

“He uses a bow, much like Frerin.”

“He’s got the Durin’s bearing, that for certain.”

“Not quite as haughty though.”

“What are you talking about?” Kifur demanded.  “Who are you?”

“Oh, my apologies,” the older dwarf said.  “I’m Dori, these are my brothers Nori and Ori.  We traveled here with Fili, but he escaped as we left Moria.  Could hardly wait for us when he wanted to find his brother.  Can’t blame him, to be honest.”

“What does that have to do with me?” Kifur asked.

“My lad, it had everything to do with you!” Dori exclaimed.  “Nori’s been intercepting letters from Erebor and they all talk of you.  The lost prince that was found again.  They want you back.”

“No, they don’t,” Kifur said.  “I’m nobody.  They got the wrong dwarf.  It doesn’t matter if I was born a prince; I wasn’t raised one.  I can’t… I can’t go back.”

“Yes you can!” Ori piped up, surprisingly fierce and passionate.  “Erebor has been looking for you for years!  They don’t care if you were raised a prince or not.  They want their son back.”

“Fili doesn’t want me back,” Kifur mumbled, finally voicing the doubts that had been on his mind since he left the Greenwood alone.  “If he wanted me then he wouldn’t have lied to me.  He would have told me the truth from the beginning.”

“You can’t hold that against him,” Nori said.  “You are _brothers_.  Mistakes don’t break that relationship.”

“But they don’t make a relationship either,” Kifur argued.

“Sit down,” Dori said, grabbing Kifur and pushing him onto the chair.  “Stop speaking and listen to us.  The three of us do not get along on the best of days.  I can’t begin to count the number of fights that we’ve had.  Almost broke the house a fair few times.”

“But that isn’t the most important thing,” Nori said.  “We’re brothers.  We’re expected to fight and lie and make mistakes.  But we’re still brothers.  We’re kin and we can’t break that.”

“We’d die for each other, we would,” Ori added.  “Even though we want to strangle each other most days.”

“Fili made a mistake, we can’t tell you he didn’t, but it isn’t fair for you to hold onto that mistake.  He’s your brother, and you know it.  It’s in your heart and it’s in your soul.”

“And he wants you back,” Ori held out an envelope.

It was thick parchment with bold ink.  Kifur took it with shaking hands and opened it.  It was an invitation to the Durin’s Day Celebration in Erebor.  Cold and impersonal.  He flipped it over.

_Kee,_

_Please come home._

_Fee_

Kifur couldn’t breathe.  He didn’t know what to do.  How was he supposed to go back to Erebor?  He hardly knew the city, hardly knew the people.  What could he possibly have to offer?  He couldn’t be the prince Erebor deserves.

But perhaps Ori was right.  They weren’t looking for a prince, they were looking for a lost child.  They were looking for Kifur, for their son, their brother.

How many nights Kifur spent dreaming of Fili, longing to be with his brother again.  He would give anything to be back with him, anything.  He just wasn’t sure if Fili wanted him back.

Maybe it was time to give Fili another chance, to give himself another chance.

“I’ll go,” he said thickly.  “I’ll go to Erebor.”


	8. Reconciliation

Fili tugged at the collar of his tunic.  He hated wearing his ceremonial clothes.  There were always too tight, too itchy, and too hot.  How did Grandfather Thrain manage?  It seemed impossible to Fili.

“Stop fidgeting,” Dis scolded, swatting his hands away from his neckline.  “That is the finest silk from Dale and you are not going to ruin it.  Understand?”

“Mother, I hate this,” Fili groaned.  “Why can’t I just be in my regular clothes?”

“Because you are a prince of Erebor and you will act as one.”

“Kili doesn’t --”

“Kili is not here,” Dis interrupted him.  “Not yet at least.”

“I don’t even know if he’ll come,” Fili muttered, looking at the ground glumly.

“He’ll come,” Dis said.  Fili gave her a look.  She scoffed.  “Come now, Fili.  Have a little faith.  You two were inseparable as children.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t break his trust before.”

“Oh, Fili,” she sighed, pulling him into a hug.  “Don’t worry.  He’ll come back.”

Balin had received word from Dori that Kili had committed to come to Erebor for the celebration.  Despite knowing that, Fili was on edge.  What if Kili just snuck in and left before Fili could explain himself?  What if Kili didn’t come at all?

Thorin and Frerin walked in, silent and somber.  They were dressed in their finery.  Thorin in silver and blue, Frerin in brown and copper.  They nodded once.  The celebrations had started.  Fili took a deep breath to steel himself.  He’d done his part.  He had reached out the olive branch and now it was time to see if Kili would take it.

Erebor was never more decorated than it was during the Durin’s Day celebration.  The halls were filled with glowing light, banners and streamers on every building.  The kitchens were worked into overtime, cooking up a feast worthy of any celebration.  The dwarves wore their finest clothes.  Hand spun silks, artisan crafted gems, hair done up in elaborate plaits.  There were no half measures taken during this celebration.

The great hall was in pristine condition.  The chandeliers were bright and glittering as musicians gathered in a corner.  Thror and Thrain stood at the head, beneath the magnificent painting of their family.

“Tell us when he arrives,” Dis whispered as her brothers escorted her to Thror.

Fili swelled with pride as his mother bowed before the king.  She was beautiful, regal and elegant.  A princess of Erebor, one that had the loyalty of her subjects.  There was no question that she could have been queen if she desired, but instead she chose to be a mother, which only cemented the love her people held for her.  Fili was proud to be called her son.

Scanning the crowd, Fili saw three distinct dwarves walking towards him.  Dori, Nori and Ori.  Fili couldn’t escape their wrath forever.  He should have known they would have caught up to him someday.

All the excuses fell from his lips as Ori pulled him into a tight embrace.  Nori patted him on the shoulder cheerfully and Dori only smiled.

“He’s coming,” Nori said.  “Took a bit of convincing, but he’s coming.”

“Kili?” Fili breathed.

The brothers nodded, all grinning brightly.

“And he’s bringing his family,” Dori added.  “Actually, they refused to let Kifur come on his own.  So the whole brood is coming.”

“All of the children?!” Fili exclaimed.  Kili had talked endlessly of Bombur’s fourteen children, or was it fifteen?

“They were insistent,” Ori chuckled.  “You’ll love them, your highness.  No better family could have raised your brother.”

“I need a drink,” Fili said, his head spinning curiously.  The whole family?  Kili had talked endlessly about them, Bifur and Bofur and Bombur, the family that took him in.  Kili adored them.  Fili spent months wanting to meet them and it seemed as if the time had finally come.

“You need to stay sober,” Dwalin came behind him, thick hand on Fili’s shoulder.  “You can’t hold your liquor, boy.”

“But Kili --”

“If I had a drink every time I saw my brother after an argument, I’d never be sober,” Dwalin chuckled.  “Trust me.  You need a clear head for this.”

Fili knew that Dwalin was right, but that didn’t stop him from wanting a large tankard of ale -- anything to soothe his nerves at this point.  Dwalin tightened his grip on Fili’s shoulder and led him to Thror.

“You need to be with your family right now,” Dwalin said.  “The speech is coming.  Besides, you can see better from there.”

“But he’ll be able to see me!” Fili countered.  “He’s never even _seen_ a prince before, what’s he going to do when he sees me like this?”

“Lad, listen,” Dwalin stopped, pulling Fili so they were eye to eye.  “He’s your brother.  You found him and he found you.  If he wanted to run away, he would have done it months ago.  Now stop your worrying and get up there.”

Fili dutifully took his place beside his mother.  This was one of the many things he hated about being a prince.  The stares he could handle, the whispers that followed his footsteps were manageable.  Being diplomatic was tricky, but Fili didn’t mind that either.  What he couldn’t stand, however, was the feeling of being different, being special.  He may not be king for generations to come, but he was heir to the throne of Erebor and the dwarves treated him as such.

With Kili, he wasn’t a prince, he wasn’t an heir to anything.  He was just a brother.  He didn’t have to be anything other than him.  He didn’t realize how much he enjoyed that feeling.

Thror stood and the great hall fell into a hushed silence.  Fili hardly listened to the speech, instead keeping an eye out for any sign of Kili.  If what Nori said was true, then Kili would be with Bombur and his brood of ginger children.  That should be easy to spot in a crowd.

Sure enough, beside the food table, there stood a very large dwarf, a pretty lass beside him, and over a dozen children around them.  That must be Bombur and Mirra, but there was no sign of Kili among them.  Fili scanned the room again.  Bofur must be talking with Nori, if the hat was anything to go by.  Kili had dozens of stories about Bofur’s hat and told every one of them to Fili.  Twice.

There was still no sign of Kili.  Fili’s heart sank into his stomach.  What if he didn’t come?  What if Kili just brought his family but didn’t come himself?  No.  That didn’t sound like Kili at all.  He would be true to his word.  If he said he was coming, then he would come.  There was nothing else to do but wait.

Fili glanced around the room again, every fiber of his being crying out for his brother to be here.  Just to see Kili again, to know he was happy, to say he was sorry for lying.  Five minutes would be enough.

As if by magic, Kili appeared through the doors in the back.  He looked the same as always, sticking out in his traveling clothes among all the finery.  He shifted awkwardly, sliding along the back wall.  He glanced up at Fili.

The world stopped and all Fili could see was his brother.  He knew that Thror was still talking, but he couldn’t be bothered.  He squeezed his mother as he passed her, but his eyes were fixed on his brother.

Silence seemed to fall in the hall again as the dwarves parted for him.  Fili made it down the stairs before he started running.  He was here.  Kili was here.  His soul seemed to shout for joy and Fili could hardly stop the tears in his eyes.

He reached out, grabbed Kili’s shoulders, and pulled him in.  He was getting dirt and mud all over his clothes, but Fili didn’t care.  His brother was here, in his arms, back where he belonged.

“I’m so sorry, Kee,” Fili sobbed into his brother’s shoulder.  “I didn’t know.  I didn’t mean for it to go so wrong.  I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Kili was sobbing just as hard, clinging to Fili with shaking hands.  “I’m sorry too.  I shouldn’t have run off.  I was angry and upset.”

“You should have been!” Fili pulled back, hands cradling Kili’s face.  “You had every right to be angry.”

Kili laughed, tears falling down his cheeks.  “No excuses, Fee.”

“Who’s making excuses?” Fili smiled through the tears.

Kili looked like he was about to say something, but stopped, looking over Fili’s shoulder.  Fili turned to see his family gathered behind him.

“Kili,” Dis broke through and engulfed him in her arms.  There was a split second of fear in Kili’s eyes before it was replaced with recognition.  His eyes grew moist again and he held her close.

“Welcome home, Kili.”


	9. Epilogue

Kili collapsed into his desk, groaning at the stack of paperwork he still had to do.  Ori and Nori had moved to the Blue Mountains and were giving him monthly reports about how the alliances were holding up.  Ori was organizing the Ered Luin library and Bofur was still bailing Nori out of jail.  Kili had to tell Bofur to let Nori break out once in a while, the thief was going soft.

“What’s the news?” Fili asked, rubbing Kili’s shoulders.  “You look tense.”

“Bofur keeps bailing Nori out of jail,” Kili sighed.  “Bombur and Mirra just had twins, that makes I think sixteen kids now?”

“That’s not making you tense up,” Fili said, fingers digging into a tight knot.  “Something’s wrong.”

Kili thought briefly about lying to Fili.  He glanced at a charred carving on his desk, a lion with an eagle on its back.  He had carved it ages ago, when he was still Kifur traveling to Erebor.  He threw it into the fire after their argument.

No more lies.  No more secrets.  That was the promise in the carving.

“Ered Luin has sworn allegiance to me,” Kili whispered.

“What’s wrong with that?” Fili asked.  “That’s what we’ve been trying to do for months now.”

“But we wanted them to swear loyalty to the King!  To Thror, Thrain, Thorin, and you!  Not to me!  What am I supposed to do?  I can’t say no, because then they won’t be allied with us at all, but I can’t agree to those terms either.”

“Yes, you can,” Fili leaned on Kili’s shoulders.  “When I’m king, you’ll be my second, like Dwalin is to Thorin.  An alliance sworn to you is as good as sworn to the crown.”

“But how can you be sure?” Kili asked.

“I’ve been a prince a little longer than you,” Fili said.  “Trust me on this, little brother.”

Kili couldn’t help grinning.  It still gave him the shivers to hear Fili call him brother.  He’d been in Erebor for months now, getting to know everything and everyone and learn who he was.  Kili had gotten used to being called Kili, though the dwarves of Ered Luin still call him Kifur.  He still hadn’t quite gotten the hang of the ceremonial clothes he was expected to wear, but Fili assured him that would come with time.

“Okay, I have an idea,” Fili stepped back and turned Kili around.  “Let’s go steal Dwalin’s cookies.”

Kili grinned brightly at that and the two of them ran off through the halls.

 


End file.
